Thanksgiving this week.
Another holiday, honestly one of my least favorite holidays (dressing is disgusting). Its only purpose is to begin Christmas season in earnest, specifically with Santa riding by the Macy’s flagship store in NYC which I am present to see (on TV) every year since I was a child.
Holidays are tough for various reasons.
Usually it makes me hyper aware of my singledom. I still have my “snuggled up on the couch in a blanket with someone I love with a fireplace and a Christmas tree with ‘Let it Snow’ by Boyz II Men playing in the background” fantasy along with several other Christmas craft/baking/matching pajama fantasies I haven’t had the opportunity to experience yet.
(I’ve done it with Toby but he doesn’t quite count, lol).
Now with the extra layer of Daddy being gone…I feel like we were the last two to REALLY care about the family traditions. He’d wait for me to come home to put up the tree either for Thanksgiving or Christmas. We’d lug out the 20 foot tree and he’d have lights he bought at after Christmas sales to put on it along with an ungodly amount of fake birds I’d quietly remove as they days went by, lol…
Which reminds me I need to raid that stash so I don’t have to buy things for my house, lol…
Anyway…holidays.
I’m hosting Christmas this year and I want to really lean in. It’ll just be me my mom, one of my sisters and Toby since the Dr sister doesn’t have it off, but I want to find a way to include her too.
I have some ideas…
I don’t know what’s going to come up for me emotionally this week. Work has been…challenging lately and I do need the break, but having a break to be in a different kind of stressful situation is really something.
And having stepped back from the Prince stuff which I heavily leaned on for distraction is proving to be an interesting challenge in of it self.
I was texting with my cousin today. He asked how I was and I told him I was a bit dead inside and keeping busy with work.
He said :
“Don’t let yourself get numb to your feelings. Feel all the things but allow yourself time to process – so you can feel all the good things the holiday can bring. I miss my uncle terribly but he would want his “girls” as he would always refer to y’all, when talking to me to feel…love…and enjoy all the things…even in the absence of him.”
I appreciated the reminder.
I guess overall I’m just tired…work gives something specific to do and be. I don’t exactly look forward to the stressful deadlines, but it keeps me going with something to work toward.
Picking up a bigger and more distinct responsibility soon.
I honestly am looking forward to it.